In the back of my own mind, what’s left that’s still functioning, I dream. Not so much a Susan Boyle dream, but a dream nonetheless. Like the last time I did this, if I were the king…of…the…forest…these are some of the things I would like to see happen or continue to happen. I’m not selfish, I am just practical trying to put order into my teeny tiny universe. Yes this is what takes up my day for the most part. It’s a tough job but someone needs to bring these things to light.
Here we go with Part two of my endless parts to make this a more perfect world.
So in my perfect world:
Pringles re-labels themselves “Socialist-Communist Potato-Looking Chips” because they are not real potato chips and because they are all exactly alike.
Glenn Beck gets medication to control his Nazi tourettes syndrome (thanks to Lewis Black)
Bags of chips are actually filled up to the top
People who walk around talking to themselves are paired up so it looks like they are talking to each other
People walking down the street texting, checking their email or surfing the web get a gentle bump, or elbow.
People with Blue Tooth in their ears will have a sign pinned to them saying “I am talking on he phone, not to you.” This is so we don’t keep saying, “pardon?” or joining in a nonexistent conversation and look equally as idiotic as they do.
Star Trek is over
Coffee tins that are “on sale” at Safeway are filled to the top or labeled as “a full pound when it’s full which it is not and that’s why it’s on sale” or something to that effect.
AP exams will be taken for fun.
All exams will be taken using the honor system
Teachers will encourage learning not student-ing
Weather men/women will tell you that the weather tomorrow is just an educated guess and to not to get your hopes up only to have them dashed when the forecast does not turn out as presented the night before.
All keggers will start with a prayer
Drivers who turn on their turn signals half-way in the middle of changing lanes will be tracked down and dumpster bins placed in their driveways
Drivers who change lanes and don’t put on their turn signals will get their cars impounded and/or pounded
Thursday will be universal Pizza Day
People in the front of elevators will face the back of the elevator. The people in the back will start a conversation with the people facing them.
People will actually own up to their own farts.
Universities will be free but graduation will cost $300,000
That’s it for today…more at a later time. consider yourself “perfect-ized” for the week. If you have any suggestions to make this a perfect world, reply.