More humor for a Friday…

At SFO, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. (ouch!)
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What the Professor Really Means


By J. Timothy Petersik, from the Chronicle of Higher Education


What he says What he means
You’ll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. I used it as a grad student.
If you follow these few simple rules, you’ll do fine in the
course.
If you don’t need any sleep, you’ll do fine in the course.
The gist of what the author is saying is what’s most important. I don’t understand the details either.
Various authorities agree that… My hunch is that…
The answer to your question is beyond the scope of this class. I don’t know.
You’ll have to see me during my office hours for a thorough answer
to your question.
I don’t know.
In answer to your question, you must recognize that there are several
disparate points of view.
I really don’t know.
Today we are going to discuss a most important topic. Today we are going to discuss my dissertation.
Unfortunately, we haven’t the time to consider all of the people who made
contributions to this field.
I disagree with what roughly half of the people in this field have
said.
We can continue this discussion outside of class. I’m tired of this – let’s quit.

You’re winning the argument – let’s quit.

Today we’ll let a member of the class lead the discussion. It will
be a good educational experience.
I stayed out too late last night and didn’t have time to
prepare a lecture.
Any questions? I’m ready to let you go.
The implications of this study are clear. I don’t know what it means either, but there’ll be a question
about it on the test.
The test will be 50-questions multiple choice. The test will be 60-questions multiple guess, plus three
short-answer questions (1000 words or more), and no one will score
above 55 per cent.
The test scores were generally good. Some of you managed a C+.
The test scores were a little below my expectations. Where was the party last night?
Some of you could have done better. Everyone flunked.
Before we begin the lecture for today, are there any questions about
previous material?
Has anyone opened the book yet?
According to my sources… According to the guy who taught this class last year…
It’s been very rewarding to teach this class. I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.
Desperate Means...

Wait, There’s more…

The Beatitudes

Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and, gathering them around him, he taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Then Simon Peter said, “Are we supposed to know this?”
And Andrew said, “Do we have to write this down?”
And James said, “Is this on the exam?”
And Phillip said, “Is there an answer guide in the library?”
And Bartholomew said, “What came after poor?”
And John said, “The other disciples didn’t have to learn this!”
And Mark said, “Don’t take the overhead off yet.”
And Matthew went to the bathroom.

One of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus’ lesson plan and inquired of Jesus, “Where are your anticipatory set and your objectives in the cognitive domain?”

…And Jesus wept.

That’s all folks. Have a good weekend…
And so it went…